Greg S Cohen

11 Years...

Recently, I bought a bike. It is a commuter bike of sorts and designed for city street riding. It is a muted shade of light blue with a white seat and kind of looks like a road bike, but has straight handle bars with white grips and only one gear. One gear makes maintenance extremely easy—I only ever have to check my brake cable tension and tire air pressure before going for a ride. However, as many people pointed out to me before I bought the bike, Atlanta is not the flattest of cities; therefore, one gear also means that I really need to push to get up some of the steeper hills.

I bought the bike last Sunday and proceeded to ride 12 miles, right from the storefront where I bought it. I explored familiar and new areas, familiar and new streets, and I tackled every hill I could. When people told me about the hills in Atlanta and how I should really get a bike with more gears to make them easier, I said sometime along the lines of, “Nah, this will make maintenance easier and my legs jacked.” Ultimately, what I really wanted to say but they would not have understood was, “Nah, I can make it up them now and I still like to imagine him helping me.”

You see, I actually yearn to struggle up those hills. When I feel the burn in my legs as I push down on the pedals as hard as I can, resisting my wheels urge to give in to gravity and roll back down the hill, I also feel Dad’s hand on the back of my neck pushing me up the hill. Although, I can’t see him, I always know he is there, pushing me forward. Whether it is a tangible hill or a figurative one, I know he is there in the form of his lessons, his will, his stubbornness, and his love helping me to overcome it.

After 11 years, I still miss him and I am getting solemnly close to the point that he will have been out of my life for longer than he was in it. But every day, above feeling down about him not being in my life anymore, I feel incredibly fortunate to have had him in my life for the time I did. I feel fortunate to know that when I am struggling, I will be able to feel his hand on the back of my neck pushing me forward.

Maddie's Tricks

Dearest Huntington Beach

Dearest Huntington Beach,

I will miss you.

If your shores were sheets draped over miles, I rested my weary heart there. The soundtrack of waves crashing amplified the brilliant backdrop of the stars glimmering off the surface of your rolling waters. I buried my weathered feet in your sands with my shattered dreams. These rough edges smoothed and mended by the gentle grind of your presence over time.

You brought me hope in the hands of people that vibrantly pale the California sun. Though our actions were the result of intoxicatingly remised inhibitions, they were accompanied by a newfound exuberance for life and my genuine smile. The value of these ephemeral companions is that of a mother’s comforting kiss on a fresh abrasion.

How strange is seems that the hollow of my being was filled by strangers lingering briefly within your borders. Although it is immanent that a cold November day shall soon take me far away, I will regard these strangers as friends henceforth. Because of them, I am forever indebted to you. Their touch has irreversibly shaped the landscape of my life.

Huntington Beach, I will miss you because I will miss them. It is with this anticipated longing, that I thank you for them.

Thank you,

Greg

A Star Waiting For Me to Fall

“Tell her something in my heart needs her more than even clowns need the laughter of the crowd. Tell her what was wrong; I sometimes think too much but say nothing at all. And tell her from this high terrain, I am ready now to fall. I am ready now to fall.”

Over the past two years, I have had a hard time explaining the black star branded on my side. Originally, it was the symbol of a girl I loved dearly. She had the same black star on her side along with other stars representing the most important people in her life, including me. But that love was never meant to last and the black star faded into the night, its luster lost along with the reason for my existence. Not to worry though, I found other reasons to rise and fall with the sun, but lost sight of the original one, love.

When I was a child, I was far too aware of my own existence. Therefore, I asked myself much to early in life what the point of it all was. Naturally, I used situations I was exposed to in order to determine my answer. I remember day in and day out, seeing my Dad living for my Mom. So, I decided that the point of this existence, the dream if you will, was to find and spend as much time with the person that is your reason for living.

Over the course of my adult life, I have seen this dream shattered countless times. My father suffered and died of cancer, my mother has been struggling emotionally for the past decade to deal with it. I have seen so many divorces, bad relationships, and breakups. One of which has caused me to question my own heart. My dream had faded.

My black star was merely a blemish on my skin, a manifestation of the turmoil within. It had evolved from representing love, to representing the loss of it, as if a stars light had been extinguished and its presence vanished. Love could no longer be used as a guide because it was no longer visible in the night sky. The black star represented my dream and it had faded to the point I could no longer see it.

However, I failed to realize that there is not just one star in the sky, just as though there is not simply one form of love. My family and friends filled in the gaps and became a love that could guide me. Ultimately, I realized that even though the romantic form of love had faded from sight, all the other stars could still be used to determine its location.

Upon determining the location of love, I realized you were there, waiting just behind the star that had broken. You were waiting for me to see past it, to see that your radiance was brimming around the broken star that was still hanging in my vision. It is apparent that you will not be extinguished and that your brilliance grows continuously, a beacon that will shine brighter than all other stars in the sky, leading me back to my dream.

It’s an interesting concept, a star waiting for me to fall. Well, for you, I am ready now to fall.

Two Sides Entwined

The sun was steady in the sky, as though it would never fall. Its heat radiated through the hours of day, sinking deep into their exposed skin. Conversely, the ocean air was refreshingly cool and when he kissed her, he tasted its saltiness on her pursed lips. It seemed like they had spent lifetimes on the shore, gazing dotingly over each other, wrapped in rapture and beach towels.

But she was as difficult to grasp as the sand, somehow always managing to slip through the tiny gaps in his fingers. Eventually, he realized that if he were to capture her, it would be like the conch possesses the sound of crashing waves. He would need to internalize her beauty and emanate her splendor; he would be the conch and she would be the sea. Then when she rests her head on his chest, her ear pressed to his frame, she would hear her own heart beating within him. A lovely melody in harmony, a trick of the mind aligning with her most sincere desires. Ultimately, it would allow her to see that she has always been loved; all she needed to do was listen closely to the hollow of his heartbeat to understand that she was meant to fill that void.

The sun was steady in the sky, as though it would never fall; but all things are meant to fall and even the bold sun eventually plummets into the rich depths of the night. But this is no reason to mourn; the sun is always reborn in the wake of the night. Its luster reflected off of the pale moon, two sides entwined around one world.